I had cancer 2 years ago, and lost all my hair to chemo.
I was dreading going back to school after being isolated in the hospital for 3 months.
The day I went back to school I discovered my entire 8th grade class of 56, both girls and boys, had shaved their heads.
Their empathy GMH.
I could be able to look at myself in the mirror & honestly be able to say I like everything I see.
I got off work early yesterday which was amazing I must say. I got to go shopping with my mom which was alright. We don’t get along well at all. She has undiagnosed depression & bipolar disorder. She refuses to see a doctor but we all know she has it. Even my boyfriend because his mom was the same way (she passed away last year).
I’m going to make up a name for him considering I don’t feel it right to post stuff about him without telling him. Hmm. Not that this is secret or anything, just everything I post here he already knows aha.
Okay, lets pretend his name is…Liam. I looooove that name!
So, Liam keeps getting asked at work if he’s engaged because of the promise rings we have. We’re wearing them on our ring fingers so I can totally see how they’d think that, but we definitely aren’t aha.
We can’t really afford to think about things like that…marriage and such…but we do anyway. We’re so happy…it’s hard not too…
So anyway, as I was saying, I had my first urge to purge today. I bought my Dad donuts for breakfast…& well…’nuff said right? Aha. It was really bad. I like ran around my room for a while and did leg and ab work outs. Sigh. I want to get back on my exercise routine again. & go out & run like I was. I hate going to work & listening to my really good friend talk about running. It makes me feel bad aha. Isn’t that awful? She is the runner after all: Cross Country, Track…sigh.
I get to be with Liam tonight. :) He’s incredible & is so supportive & aifjasklfjalk.
I’m really scared about graduation. I know it’s a year away but really…that year is going to fly by. Half of summer is almost gone! Geez. Once that hat is thrown into the air…I’m off to Colorado…forever…& what will happen to us…gah. I don’t want to think about it.
I need a new treadmill. Ours is total shit.
to stop slacking off and get a move on with my summer homework for my AP classes.
On the camping trip I acquired some injuries. It wouldn’t have been a trip if I hadn’t come back injured! I have a huge bruise and small scrape on my right knee from falling into the creek & I have a huge ass burn on my left leg from running into my ridiculously long tailpipe on my Honda Element while it was still hot. - . - Gotta say. It definitely wasn’t a boring trip.
My boyfriend & I bought matching rings one our way back home. Actually, while we were on I-85 I realized we were close to the mall so I was like, “Lets go shopping!” We ended up going home first, dropping off our shit & then went back out towards the mall. We got into a fight along the way so I ended up taking the wrong ramp which actually led to the mall anyway, but we were too disheveled to realize that until I noticed the main road that the mall is located on. For future reference boys, don’t chose to start a conversation about how much your girlfriend’s phone sucks and how stupid her father is for allowing her to buy it and the service while she’s on the expressway, k? Bad things happen.
Every time I see a show dealing with the subject matter of Eating Disorders I flip a shiiiit. The other day I saw this talk show & they had a few girls on who had been suffering from Ana & Mia for a long time. I couldn’t stop crying so my mom told me to turn it off. I hate that. I’d rather be stronger but it’s just too much to watch innocent people suffer through a mental disorder that you know all too well is the most horrible thing you can experience. Okay, not true…but unless you have had one as well…I doubt you could understand the capacity an ED has…no. I take that back.
I don’t want to sound bitchy. So. Yes. I take that back.
My last relapse of Bulimia was September of 2009. Last of Ana was April of 2010. I’ve been in recovery since May of 2009, but tried to recover on my own for a while before that. It didn’t help much.
I became a vegetarian during the course of my ED cycle. Not for the animal reasons…for others. It just felt right & I feel so much healthier because of it.
I haven’t eaten meat for almost four years now. I eat fish sometimes but rarely. Only when I have to.
Damn what a ramble. Aha.
The pictures are from the camping trip :)
My boyfriend got picture happy. I’m not going to upload all of them because he took so many aha.
We bought these ugly ass fake crocs at Ingles for the creek. He got Orange and I got Green :)
random stop.
I guess that’s enough for now.
had the best freakin time ever camping :) even though our tent was set up over gravel…it was still pretty rad.
Best weekend ever :)
Oh. I’m definitely not concerned with you anymore. For the record. But if you’re going to do something, then do it you dipshit.
Sigh.
I’m starting to watch True Blood for the first time. I really like it.
Off to find something semi productive to do.
Camp is finally over & now I’m off to camping with my boyfriend :) Just gotta wait for my hair to dry & finish packing!
I’m more excited now, considering that I’m completely blowing off my family and he (the boy) assured me we’d make it there fine :)
Wish me luck!
I’m scared to death about tomorrow. I’m so freakin nervous. A whole weekend with my boyfriend’s family?! Ahhh. I love his family…but I don’t know if they’ll love me and its so nerve-racking. &&&&&& I just got the directions and its almost impossible to find this place & I’m a HORRIBLE driver when he’s in the car. Aha. But really…
My parents aren’t making it an easier. My moms being typical her…telling me (of course on the day before I depart) how much she can’t stand me and what a failure I am for a daughter. I wish she’d stop and look and listen to what she’s saying and how she’s making me feel but of course she can’t…that’s not her.
& like ALWAYS my dad is angry because I made my mom angry…which is such a mother fucking lie…just sayin.
Nine times out of ten I don’t even do anything…but I still end up being the reason for a full blown-out argument.
My little bro (he’s pretty young) was like “Good job sis. You made her mad again.”
It really hurts to hear that from a kid who is nine years younger than you are…& I adore my little brother…even if I do act like an awful sister…
Sigh…I really hope tomorrow goes well. Like I said, it’s the last day of camp…that’s ONE good thing. & I get to see my boyfriend…
my mother.
Is this what you miss?
She’s not the same.
Colorado Springs :)
Soon to be my new home. I can’t freaking wait to get out of the south. It’s too hot…& there are too many memories here.
until camp is oveeeeeeer :D I can’t begin to describe how excited I am. No more hot, muggy weather or being outside with a bunch of screaming little girls. I adore them…but yeah.
Taking off with the boy & his family tomorrow to go camping :) It’s gonna be the best weekend ever. The best friend lemme take her tent, so I think I’m actually gonna be prepared for once. Now just to pack and get a move on with directions and such ;)
Just one more month until Colorado! :DD
And one more year until I’m finally there for good :)
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